Father’s Day

One of the greatest pleasures and privileges of my life is to be a Dad. Last Sunday I received two lovely cards with special messages inside and, on Saturday, we went out for a family breakfast as I had to travel to a special service on Sunday afternoon, and then further south to celebrate my Mum’s birthday. I was spoiled with treats and special presents.

I’m conscious that Sunday wasn’t such a great day for lots of people. There are those who keenly feel the loss of their father on days like Father’s Day. There are often complex and challenging dynamics that mean fathers get estranged from their children and everyone feels those situations very acutely. It can be hard to express those feelings, and there are many for whom fatherhood wasn’t an opportunity that presented itself through a whole host of circumstances.

The Bible sometimes refers to the Fatherhood of God and explores the idea of God as being our Heavenly Father. For some who have a very positive experience of their earthly father, this is a very helpful image but, for others, it can be problematic.

One of the things I struggle with as a father is how to lead and guide my children in a helpful way, to equip them with skills and give them opportunities to grow and develop as people. There’s a tension between giving people opportunities and wanting to protect them and keep them safe. There are lots of challenging and complex questions young people are trying to work out as they navigate their way through the world.

How do you set helpful boundaries? How do you comfort and heal their hearts when people are cruel, or they go through disappointments? How do you encourage and help people to reach their potential and, at the same time, not push too hard so people feel under pressure?

It’s an incredible, yet very scary, moment when you take that car seat with a child in it from the hospital and take them home for the very first time. After the lengthy process for us of figuring out how to clip in the car seat, there was an anxiety with our first child who had complex needs about what to do? You were worried that things might go wrong, that you might hurt someone who was very tiny by your clumsiness, or not be able to understand their cries and what they might mean.

It’s like an adventure that you all have to go on together.

You try to figure out what things mean and keep those channels of communication open. When they are younger, you tend to be the person who makes things happen for them and keep them safe and, then, as they get older, your children question your choices and your wisdom, and the conflicts can arise about everything from homework to screen time to permission about various activities.

In all of it, there is a lot we get wrong, but there is a lot of joy and I love this.

I’m always in awe of other Dads who seem so much more competent. Today, I stood with a Dad who was coming back later in the morning to teach his son’s class art at a special school. He had been up at 4.30 am mixing paint to the right consistency, and was looking forward to all abilities having a great activity. This evening, my son was collected by a dad who runs his climbing club. His capacity to organise climbing trips, care for not only his own children, but ours, and everyone else’s, is incredible. He can navigate booking hotels, flights and shepherd whole groups through airports, train stations and belay those young climbers for hours on end never looking for anything other than to see everyone has had a good time.

I love this prayer of Pete Greig as we think of all the Dads around the world.

“We pray today for Dads

New Dads, granddads, stepdads, adoptive Dads and solo Dads

Baldy ones, beardy ones, skinny ons and cuddly ones

Dads who tell bad jokes and dads who dance to YMCA

Dads who know how to fix things and Dads who just pretend

Father to the fatherless, we pray for those for whom this day is sadder than it is happy

Those who feel they have failed

Those who are grieving children they never had

Those missing their Dads or their children even more than usual

Father God, in a world where some Dads are distant, absent or even abusive we lean into your ever present love. You are faithful especially to those of us orphaned, abandoned and hurt. “Even if my father abandons me, the Lord will hold me close.” Psalm 27 v10.

Father of comfort, heal our wounds. Restore the dignity, integrity and centrality of fatherhood in our nation. I kneel before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name and I pray that you may know love. (St. Paul)

And, finally, Lord, for those poor souls everywhere who forgot that today is Father’s Day, we ask you to bless them in your abundant grace and manifold mercy with the discovery of chocolate and a half decent card in surprisingly well-stocked convenience stores.” Amen.

Don’t miss our special concert with Wadham College, Oxford on Wednesday 2nd July at 7.30 pm in St. Finnian’s Parish Church.

Look forward to speaking again soon.

Much love to everyone,

Jono.

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